Treading Water
by Greer Shlivandas
Summary: Dilandau's caretaker tells him a story. But to quote Bruno Bettelheim: 'Fairy tales are a verification of the inner life of a child."; and Tove Ditlevsen: "Childhood is long and narrow, like a coffin, and we do not get out of it without help."


Spoiler warnings for Escaflowne up to ep. 24- but bear in mind also that this fic will make very little sense unless you've seen at least up to that point in the series. This takes place very soon after the scene in the graveyard. Not yaoi, but with sideline references to it. 

This fic is for Hugh, Jeanne, Tirtzah, and Kestrel, my Avatars of Esca. 

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TREADING WATER 

"You're dying, my dear. At least the nasty, fleshy, female part of you is dying. But there's a lovely strange 

boy inside you, just aching to come out..." 

--Al Davison, 'The Dark Rose' 

_Yoshi, yoshi_. Are you alright, Dilandau-sama? 

Jajuka... 

You should rest. Please- tell me how I can help you- 

Who was... that _man_? He was... 

He what? 

I... 

Shhh. 

You should rest. 

Don't you tell me what to do! 

Jajuka? 

Dilandau-sama? 

What am I doing here? 

I brought you home. I was waiting and watching over you in the cemetery; and when you called, I came. Here. Lean against me. There. What can I get you to help you sleep? Some wine? Don't think about it right now. Just relax. I could tell you a story to take your mind off it... 

I'm not a child, Jajuka. 

No, Dilandau-sama. 

Well? What story is it? 

Whatever you like. 'The Girl With Silver Hands', or 'Dragonskin', or 'The Twelve-Windowed Tower', or- 

I know all those. If you can't tell me something new, don't bother telling me at all. 

'The Tale of the Fish Maiden', then. 

Fish maiden? 

A story from the Mystic Moon. Although some say it really comes from Atlantis. I'm not sure. 

Go on. 

_'She was a princess, the youngest daughter of a king who lived at the bottom of the sea. Only she was a fish-woman, with a scaly tail instead of legs. She was dearly beloved by her family, but they forbade her the one thing she wanted most in the world- to rise to the surface of the water and look upon the world above the waves. They said it was not safe for her, a young girl, to be on her own like that. So they kept her in the palace, and day by day her longing turned to despair.' _

Why didn't she just run off? 

She did_. 'One day her imprisonment grew to be too much, and she snuck away from her siblings' care. She swam right up to the surface, and came up in the middle of a convoy of ships. The fleet belonged to the prince of a neighboring country, and they were out celebrating his birthing-day with fireworks and festivities.' _

Hmmp. A prince. 

A prince. A prince, who was the most beautiful creature she had ever seen. 

As beautiful as I am? 

Yes, Dilandau-sama. Beautiful just like you are. Dilandau! *_Please_*. Don't touch your scar- you'll only make it darker_... 'And he was the most beautiful creature she had ever seen. Her heart instantly swelled with love for him, and she felt the sting of longing cut through her. But he was a true man, with legs instead of a tail, and she was only a fish maid.' _

Why? 

Dilandau-sama? 

She loved him and she had only just met him? That doesn't make any sense. Of course, if he was as beautiful as me... 

It might have been. Perhaps it was because he was so beautiful, and strong, and free to do as he pleased, which she was not....and maybe a little simply because he wasn't part of the world she was born in. Maybe- nevermind. _'But her love was soon endangered, for a fierce storm rose up too quickly for the fleet to turn back. Thunder drowned out the fireworks, and the ship carrying the prince was overturned and smashed to bits in the choppy surf. Still, she flung herself across the water to where his body floated on the point of drowning, and mustering all her strength, carried __him to shore. There she sat with him while he slept, and she kissed him without his knowing, for he was so beautiful. After a time, people from the castle came in search of him, and when he awoke he saw not the face of his rescuer, but that of a visiting noble who had come to aid in the search.' _

She didn't stay? 

No. She was afraid that he would not love her if he saw what she was_. 'She swam back to her castle and he returned to his, but she could not sleep at night, burning with love for him. She could neither laugh nor smile, but wept bitter tears throughout every day, until her family was convinced she was very ill. She would return to the surface when none _

_were watching, hoping for a glimpse of him. Finally, her despair grew too great to bear, and she swallowed her fear and went to see the Sea Mage.' _

Mage? 

Something like a Madoshi- what Lord Folken used to be_. 'The Madoshi told her the truth of the Fish-men; that they have not souls like true men have, and that although there was a potion that would alter the fate she was born to and split her tail into two legs, she would have to win the prince's love if she were to remain on land. When they married, his soul would become as one with hers, and would make her truly human. However, if she failed to win the prince's love, she would die on the morning after he wed another, and her spirit would belong forever to the Madoshi. _

_Furthermore, the Madoshi also demanded payment for services rendered, and took from her her voice, which was the loveliest thing about her. She would have to use other means to woo him to her. So she took the potion and swam to the surface, where she poured it over her tail. A great pain cleaved her body as it took on her new shape, and when she walked, it was if she trod on knives with every step. Still, she went along the beach until she came to his castle, wrapped in nothing but her long hair. Because she was naked and because she could not speak, the guards took _

_pity on her. She was dressed and introduced to the prince, who saw in her something of the person who had rescued him from the storm.' _

He didn't recognize her. 

No. He had been unconscious when she took him to the shore. He thought it was the noble that had rescued him, and had been dreaming of that one instead. 

Stupid. 

Dilandau-sama? 

Keep going. 

_'The fish maiden spent many days with the prince. They danced, they rode on horseback throughout the entire kingdom, they dined together every night. Her love for him grew even more, as her desire to be one with him, to be a part of him forever. But he loved her only as he might a little child, like a favorite younger sister. And there was nothing she could say that might sway his heart, for she had no voice to plead with. Still, as the days wore on, he came to love her more, and the Madoshi came to worry that she might indeed win the prince. So all the Madoshi met together, and one among their number was chosen to take on human form and entice the prince away from the fish maiden.' _

Did the Madoshi do it? 

Yes_. 'The prince fell in love with the Madoshi, who was clever and kind as well as beautiful, and arrangements were made for the two to be married.' _

Married?!! 

Married_. 'The human form the Madoshi had taken was that of the patrician the prince had thought to be his savior; and this one was also royalty from a powerful neighboring kingdom which the prince's family desired an alliance with. Arrangements for the wedding were made, and the fish maiden wept inconsolably, for she knew that on the morning after they were wed, she would die. She carried the bride's train and watched as vows were spoken and kisses given, but still could not speak her pain. However, on the night of the wedding, she heard voices outside her window. Her family __had missed her so much that her siblings had gone to the Sea Madoshi, and traded their hair in exchange for a special dagger with which to kill the prince. If the fish maid would stab him through the heart before dawn, the flow of his blood over her feet would change them back into a tail, and she would be a fish maid once more.'_

And she would live then? 

Yes, Dilandau-sama. She would live, and be able to go back to her family. She would have to give up her love to save her life. 

Well, go on. 

Dilandau-sama, I... 

Tell the end. What did she do? 

I...don't remember. 

You don't remember?!! 

No, I - 

Don't give me that!! You just don't want to say it, whatever it is! Now cut the shit! 

_'She took the dagger, and as the first days of dawn lit the sky, she plunged it into the prince's heart. As his blood flowed over her feet. Her legs flowed back together into the tail she was born with. The fish maiden dove off the royal wedding barge back into the waves, and she swam home to rejoin her family. They never allowed her to go up to the surface again, but she was safe and happy now. She had lost her love, but her family would love her forever.' _

What the hell kind of ending is that?!! Safe?! Happy?!! That was weak. Why didn't she stay and fight the Madoshi for him, instead of rolling over and showing her throat at the first sign of trouble? 

She wasn't meant to be a human. She was meant to be a fish maiden, and would always be happier as what she was born to be. There's no shame in going back to that. 

The hell __you__ know. 

You think I'm wrong, don't you? DON'T YOU ?!! 

No, Dilandau-sama. 

Jajuka? 

Yes? 

Hold me tighter. 

Yes, Dilandau-sama. 

You'd better not be lying to me. 

No. Of course not. 

And the prince was as beautiful as I am? 

Yes. Beautiful just like you are. 

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"Why have we not an immortal soul?" asked the little mermaid mournfully; "I would give gladly all the hundreds of years that I have to live, to be a human being only for one day, and to have the hope of knowing the happiness of that glorious world above the stars," 

--Hans Christian Anderson, 'The Little Mermaid' 


End file.
